Suddenly i came across myself personally obsessing over my personal latest girlfrienda€™s ex-girlfriend as well as their a€?friendship.a€? And a dark, vile, unattractive part of my self manifested inside heavy of my personal attraction. Before we knew they, I was a€?that female.a€? The social-media-stalking, huge bitch wracked with unlimited insecurities about that so-called a€?friendship.a€?
And certainly, I generated a complete, textbook trick out-of my self along the way (and yes we sooner split up, probably because we acted like these types of a loon). We produced every mistake humanly possible. We had my girlfrienda€™s mobile; We acted like a cold-hearted brat each time her ex is in; and the majority of of all, I happened to be neurotic and snarky and paranoid all of the time.
But heya€”through that feel I learned HOW TO APPROACH things, all, sweet kitten!
Ia€™ve started on both sides from the salty spectrum; I believe a lot more qualified to bestow you with my personal knowledge. Thus here are my personal ideas on navigating this oh-so-delicate circumstances, without shedding your mind or the partnership.
Observe that this crap is hard!
I come from a long line of female heartbreakers. Ia€™ve never when seen any of my three sisters or my personal mom cry over you theya€™ve dated. Ia€™ve not witnessed any woman within my group reveal the smallest signs of envy, either.
a€?Jealousy could be the finest sign of weakness,a€? my mama said once I was a gum-smacking little kid. They caught beside me.
And exactly how performed I now, during my mid-20s, deal with my newfound attitude of jealousy? We crammed them lower, baby. I tapped into my personal Uk root, and did just what Brits createa€“ I numbed my personal feelings with liquor and forced smiles. I did sona€™t also tell my good friends that I happened to be vulnerable and jealous over this alleged friendship.
And herein lies the trouble with filling down your feelings, women. The greater number of you repress your feelings, the greater they cultivated. My personal thinking of envy swelled within me, until one-day the put off my and I snapped.
a€?we dona€™t rely on this crap!a€?. My personal poor girl got shocked.
Dona€™t manage everything I performed. Communications is vital, although it may believe awkward to admit any thoughts of susceptability (I hate vulnerability too, but ita€™s an important bad in love). Have i simply said, a€?Hi lady, I have that youa€™re company together with your ex, therefore am Ia€”but your ex partner is actually insanely attractive, and Ia€™m sense a tad nervous concerning entire thing, can we perhaps function with this?a€? I would have eliminated the unavoidable meltdown.
PSA: usually, constantly, usually go over your emotions of jealousy along with your partner. If you dona€™t, they’re going to reveal in weird steps, and if your wanting to know youa€™ll become creating some kind of uncomfortable breakdown, and act like an overall maniac.
Youa€™re under my personal safety huge sis lesbian wing now, and I dona€™t desire that individually.
Believe that intimate relations can progress into friendships
OK, so your girlfriend is friends together ex-girlfriend, and you cana€™t fathom just how ita€™s even possible? I’d like to guarantee your; ita€™s entirely organic for lesbians in order to become buddies once they break up.
Lesbian relationships could be thus deeply romantic, so thoroughly truthful your two ladies who tend to be tethered with each other, can easily being close friends while theya€™re nonetheless together, actually. In fact, thata€™s the reason why countless lesbian relations exceed decades after their unique expiration go out. The love dissolves, both ladies being HOOKED along, theya€™re close friends, they end sex and being enchanting, nevertheless they hold on to the partnership for beloved lifetime because theya€™re codependent as friends. They see this, breakup, and realize they certainly were destined for friendship. Perhaps not for a steamy, hypersexual, romance.